We the People

Joke: Ready Reckoner for Driving

- All lanes on the road are just a suggestion. You have the full right to drive anywhere on the road.

- If you have to turn right, please take your vehicle all the way to the left and cut off the other vehicles who have to go straight. Scraping someones vehicle will get you a chance to earn the ‘Civic Sense Award’

- Bigger the vehicle the better but remember-Buses ARE the boss!, and they have

- All autorickshaws come with robo-drivers that have very few human feelings and a minimum speed of 45 kmh (If they go below that, even while tuning, they will self destruct) so -Don’t bother honking.

- Using Indicators might make other people aware of your next move-Do NOT use them at all (Get disco lights fitted to them if you wish)!

- Driving with your bumper literally touching the vehicle in front of you Is the norm!, and you might be booked if you don not follow it

- Traffic signals are just a tool for children to learn colours-especially at night.

- Call center cabs and Government Vehicles have total right of way-even if you are driving an ambulance.

- Where there is a traffic jam, there will always be Indian Police guiding traffic into it!

- All bikers on the roads are avatars of Rossi, Hayden, and Stoner- let them conduct their sport in peace.

- Pedestrians and cyclists are part of a large game- the more you hit the more points you get! and remember never let them cross the Road.

- It is mandatory for Lady drivers to put their makeup on only while driving in traffic.

- Lady drivers are all requested to look only straight while driving, turning, parking etc.. do not check blind spots, do not ensure that there is any oncoming traffic!

- All slow moving traffic must remain in the center of the road. The left lane is reserved for pedestrian/cyclists and bus stops, and the right lane is for playing chicken with oncoming traffic that is without doubt in your lane!

- Be sure to brake hard and as late as possible. This not only checks if your brakes are working, but also lets you make some money if the person behind hits you!

- Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It’s a good way to scare people and keep them in their driving senses.

- Lookout for speed breakers. At a decent speed some of these can send your vehicle into orbit.

- When stuck in a traffic jam, honk, flash your lights, scream out of the window and ask the person in front of you to move!

- Everyone is some politico’s relative- so everyone has the right of way.

- The Indian Govt has put potholes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them on their toes.